practicing the creation of situations.

the third issue of the real shotgunwedding paper-blog has been in its conception stages for closing in on a year now. now that i'm a week away from dedicating substantial time to it, i've been glancing over the stuff i've written for it. i've written 3 different introductions, one failed poem, 2 short short stories, a handful of drawn-out anecdotes, and taken 27 zine-specific pictures. i don't think i'm going to use any of it. but it's strange to look over the things that i chose to document and the themes i wanted to focus on. last summer, i think i was way too happy to want to publish sw #3. there were too many fun, sweaty things happening and for once, i didn't think about how they would translate onto a page. by winter i was confused and miserable and injured. the idea of working on my zine with my right arm strapped into an orthopedic brace seemed like more of a chore, so even though i was all full of thoughts i wasn't interested in writing them down. not to mention the idea of cutting and pasting with one hand (and my left one at that) seemed like the most implausible thing ever.

now here i am, and the weather is warm again. i've taken my last class ever. by friday i will have taken my last exam ever, written my last collegiate paper ever, smoked my last cigarette on the porch of combs, eaten at seacobeck for the last time, biked recklessly and helmet-less one final time down campus walk, among other lasts. and then what do i do? i have no place to live after june and no real desire to stay here any more. however, i have a great job, wonderful friends, and my love for the only little town i've ever really made mine. westminster was just where my parents lived; fredericksburg was my home because i wanted it to be. so i'm here, placeless and confused, my whole body wanting to drift but finding that i have one stubborn hand that won't let go. i should be careful; i'm prone to dislocating shoulders.

i can't make decisions for myself very well, but i will say that in the midst of my life's-next-chapter ruminations, i'm publishing #3 for real this time. i've got stories and the right attitude to tell them this time. so around june, look for my zine on parcellpress.com. look for my body to be stumbling around awkwardly and slightly drunk somewhere in the world, just hanging out and pretty good.