big city sounds

i'm writing this from a tiny room in brooklyn. it's hot, and i want to take off all my clothes and spread out on the air mattress in the living room and concentrate only on breathing through the sweaty air. maybe someone could dump ice on me. that would be refreshing. instead i'll continue wearing sweatpants, drinking hot coffee, and feeling the perspiration collect in the creases of my eyelids.

all night i listened to street sweepers and shouting and a symphony of sirens. how poetic. i slept in 10 mintute intervals, having a mini-series of dreams involving a romantic tryst with someone who i could never have a romantic tryst with, but who was a great kisser in my unconscious narrative.

i just fell in love with a bartender. he was wearing a dungen t-shirt and had scrappy facial hair and fell perfectly into a Romantic new york city hypothetical situation where we smiled at each other and i liked the looks of him and his bar and his borough so much that moved to brooklyn. he had a nice smile and i can tell he probably liked to cuddle. but i'm exhausted by dudes. i deserve a lot better than what i've been getting, and i don't deserve too much.

this city is completely overwhelming but there's something about it that makes me want to feel really happy again. i think it pours out of the open fire hydrants on the streets and winds around the bars on the first-floor windows and hides behind graffiti on my best friend's front door. this shit doesn't feel real. but i like it a lot and it's not so familiar that i'm stunned into complacency the way i am at home.

things are so strange for me right now. i know it's not unusual to feel confused after you graduate, but i feel like i'm moving through a haze and the only things i can clearly make out are hyperion and my friends, and even they're starting to fade as i start inching away from their stability.

sigh. stupid pensive entry.